


may your days be merry and bright

by johnny-and-dora (sian_jpg)



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, F/M, One Shot, Pregnancy, merry christmas/happy holidays everyone!, this squad is a family and it makes me Feel Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-18 02:43:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21920521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sian_jpg/pseuds/johnny-and-dora
Summary: "So many of her favourite Christmas traditions have had to be put on hold this year, and she needs this one night just so she can feel like her old self again."or, a grumpy, tired and extremely pregnant amy learns she can always rely on her weird work family.
Relationships: Jake Peralta & Amy Santiago, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, Ray Holt & Jake Peralta, Rosa Diaz & Amy Santiago
Comments: 23
Kudos: 102





	may your days be merry and bright

Amy Santiago has always adored Christmas.

The annual, extremely chaotic congregation of her ever-growing family, the twinkling lights, the festive cheer. The spreadsheets and planning that goes into choosing the perfect gifts on a strict budget. Her mom’s cooking and the way that everyone always acts a little kinder, a little merrier. The movies and the songs and lately, the privilege of sharing it with her favourite person in the entire world.

Next year, they’ll be sharing Christmas with their baby. Next year there will be unfairly adorable Santa themed baby clothes to buy and cheesy family Christmas card photos to pose for and new traditions to make, and Amy is beyond excited for that – but this year, the whole being eight months pregnant thing has inevitably put a bit of a damper on her usually thriving holiday spirit.

The swollen feet and the constant hunger and crippling fatigue and the Braxton Hicks contractions are bad enough, but it’s the endless anxious waiting that’s slowly killing her – the crib is assembled and the hospital bag has been packed and repacked and the binder is done and she’s read every single pregnancy book available to her cover to cover, so thoroughly that according to Jake she’s been reciting facts about infant care in her sleep.

They’re ready, or as ready as they’ll ever be, but now it feels like all they can do is wait.

Amy  _ hates  _ waiting.

And now the most wonderful time of year suddenly feels a lot less wonderful, because she can’t go home for the holidays and enjoy Nochebuena with her family like she has every single other year without fail. She can’t enjoy getting absolutely wasted dancing to Christmas music at Shaw’s or even lure her husband into a supply closet with some mistletoe.

Coupled with her early maternity leave (doctor and captain’s orders, much to her disappointment) meaning she’s stuck at home all day every day with her FOMOW at an all-time high, she feels like she’s at breaking point.

Amy frowns at herself in the mirror, adjusting her dress again – it’s a simple red one that Rosa helped her pick out, neither of them particularly enamoured with the bedazzled maternity pants Gina sent her. She tries to take a calming deep breath, forcing a smile before letting her features fall back into place. It’s the first time she’s bothered to put make-up on all week, but the dark bags under her eyes still seem to taunt her.

Not for the first time, despite how badly she’s been looking forward to this Christmas party, she considers just giving up and staying home.

Luckily for her, Jake chooses this exact moment to appear smiling in the mirror beside her.

“You look beautiful, Ames.” He says fondly – he’s taken to telling her that every single day now that she can barely recognise her own body anymore. Though she finds it hard to believe him, each and every time he says it with the exact same reverence that he did on their first date, and each and every time she can barely suppress a soft smile.

“You’re biased.” She pokes him in the shoulder fondly - he comes closer, wrapping his arms around her in response, swaying a little as they look at each other in the mirror. 

“You know I mean it, right? I love absolutely all of you. You could grow an extra head or swell to the size of the moon or shrink down to the size of a mouse and I’d still think you’re the most beautiful woman in the entire universe.”

“Even if I were the size of a mouse?”

“Definitely. I’d carry you round in my pocket and everything. Stuart Little-stylez.” She laughs, shaking her head, but now carrying a lightness in her chest that’s hard to come by these days. He’s been the most supportive partner she could ask throughout these last eight months, although really that’s also true of the last five years they’ve been together. 

“Thank you. You’re not bad, either.”

“Oh, I know.” He grins with a familiar bravado that puts her at ease, kissing her cheek. “You ready to go?”

She assesses her appearance in the mirror again, but this time she doesn’t need to force a smile. “I’m ready.”

***

Being thirty-six weeks pregnant, on top of all its other less than desirable side effects, cruelly makes Amy’s devotion to punctuality far more difficult to maintain – she counts it as a victory when they arrive outside the Holt-Cozner household merely five minutes late. The engine sputters to a halt and Mariah Carey is sharply cut off, but Jake doesn’t move, instead fixing her with a meaningful look she knows all too well. She knows what’s coming.

“We don’t have to stay long.” He blurts out. “We don’t even have to go in, if you don’t wanna – I mean, I can turn the car around right now and we can go get polish food and watch Jeopardy and I’ll give you a back massage or something.”

He’s giving her the look again - the soft overprotective one she’s always been fond of but has undoubtedly increased in volume and intensity tenfold since the start of her pregnancy. 

He’s cute when he gets all worried – and he clearly has the best intentions, but little inclination of all the fears she fought to make it this far and all her determination to enjoy this night. Not that she’s told him; Jake has seemingly infinite patience with all her complaints and worries, and she feels a pang of immeasurable guilt about burdening him with any more. Musing this, Amy takes his hand from the steering wheel, thumbing intricate loops over his knuckles.

“You’re sweet. But I want to be here, okay? I want to see everyone! I’ve missed Charles bursting into tears and gushing about the miracle of life every time I walk into the room.”

“Say the word and we can go, okay?”

“Okay!” She squeezes his hand. “Stop worrying, babe. Stress is bad for the baby.” She parrots the saying she’s heard about a billion times in the last eight months and feels satisfied when she finally earns a snort from him. It’s not lost on her that this kid has already turned their entire lives upside down to the point where  _ she’s _ the one telling  _ him _ to relax.

A couple years ago, she’d have retched at the thought of being one of the girls in Jake’s beat-up old Mustang. It’s immensely strange and wonderful that now there’s no one else that she could imagine having this baby with. They share a tender smile, and she knows what both of them are thinking.  _ Soon. Soon we get to meet our baby. _

Jake grins, placing a light kiss to the back of her hand and pocketing the keys.

“Let’s do this.”

***

It takes a momentous effort for Amy to waddle up to the house despite Jake supporting her the whole way – she has to take a moment to catch her breath back once they’re both welcomed inside, already fighting a familiar creeping fatigue from settling in and stealing the whole night away from her. So many of her favourite Christmas traditions have had to be put on hold this year, and she needs this one night just so she can feel like her old self again.

As usual, the decorations are tasteful and sophisticated, worlds away from the various novelty Christmas items and abundance of tinsel that clutter their home. There’s a pleasant warm atmosphere that instantly relaxes her and she smiles brightly at Jake, who mouths ‘second honeymoon’ before cheerfully greeting Holt with a six-pack of orange soda and launching into an animated conversation about his latest case.

“Amy.” She’s startled out of watching them by a gentle Kevin, who is as gracious of a host as ever. “It is wonderful to see you. Please, make yourself as comfortable as possible. Is there anything I can get you?” She smiles gratefully, already hyper-aware of the dull ache of her swollen feet but determined that her remaining holiday spirit will not be quashed by any means.

She instantly finds a perfect spot on their couch, accepting a glass of water from Kevin before he excuses himself to go and greet more guests. 

Despite the lack of any alcohol in her system, it’s all too easy to space out; it’s also all too easy to feel like everyone is merry and bright except her. She bites her nails, frustrated, deep down knowing that she’ll probably spend the whole night intensively snacking and talking to no-one.

She already loves her baby more than anything else in the world, but that doesn’t stop it from sucking that this sad, lonely feeling budding in her centre is her current reality. 

One of Kevin’s colleagues tries to start a conversation with her but quickly excuses herself to get more food once she realises Amy isn’t a professor of any kind. Jake or Rosa or anyone she knows seem absolutely nowhere to be found and she’s quick to admit total defeat as she feels herself sinking into the couch, steeling herself for the long and torturous night ahead. 

***

At least she can take some comfort in how nice Holt and Kevin’s guest bathroom is.

Cheddar is, blissfully, nowhere in sight. She takes a minute of peace to compose herself, grappling with all her dread and doubt about returning to the party clashing with feeling like a failure if she doesn’t enjoy herself.

She’s about to make her way back into the living room when she catches her name in a passing conversation – Amy pauses, lingering in the doorway, suddenly aware of two very familiar voices speaking in a soft tone down the hall.

“...I just…I worry, y’know? She’s so uncomfortable all the time now and we’re both going a little crazy waiting for the baby to arrive and…I don’t know. I just want to help her, but I feel completely useless most of the time. Especially because she’s this freaking superhero who’s been growing this human being for almost nine months and I’m just this guy that couldn’t even assemble the crib.”

“Jake, I assure you that you are far from useless, and I don’t doubt that Amy has assured of the same thing. You are doing everything you can to support her.” Holt says in his usual authoritative baritone - Amy feels her face burn red, aware that this isn’t a moment she should be trespassing on but unable to walk away. 

These are fears that he’s voiced to her before, and she can only hope that the more the people he cares about affirm their belief in him, the more his confidence will start to grow. 

“I know. I’m just, uh, scared. And scared that I’m never going to stop being scared.”

“If I may speak candidly, I trust that the very compassion, thoughtfulness and fear you are currently displaying that will make you a great father.”

“You think…you think I’m gonna be a great father?” 

“Kevin and I are certain that you will both be excellent parents.” Holt says it like it’s a given, just as water is wet or the sky is blue, and Amy glows with pride from her secret hiding place, praying no one else needs to use the bathroom before this conversation ends. 

“You really think so?” She just knows that he’s grinning that bright, shining Peralta grin that she just couldn’t help falling in love with.

“Indeed. In fact, we are very proud of both of you. And – well, you already know, but if there is anything you ever need, we are more than happy to support you.”

“Thanks, Captain. Amy’s going to be so psyched when I tell her that.”

She spends another five minutes in the bathroom sniffling before she can compose herself well enough to return to the party – once she does, she can’t help watching Jake all lit up from across the room, and her eyes immediately well up as her heart just soars leaps and bounds.

***

“Hey.” Rosa slumps down next to her on the sofa while she’s still drying her eyes, nursing an empty wine glass – there’s a softer look in her eyes than usual, an echo of Jake’s increased protectiveness, and Amy is undeniably grateful to see her. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Stupid hormones. What’s up?”

“Eh. I’m fine. Not drunk enough to enjoy talking to these nerds.” Amy scoffs, feeling a slight sting of jealousy that she can’t get drunk with her friends or even attempt to have an intellectual conversation about art history with Kevin’s colleagues, though it’s muted now purely through love for her husband. She twists the ornate silver ring on her finger, aware of the piercing stare her best friend is giving her.

“Are you really okay?” Rosa asks, and Amy’s face crumbles.

“I’m just…really tired of being pregnant. I want to enjoy being here, y’know? I want to enjoy these last few weeks of peace, but I’m bored out of my mind stuck at home just  _ waiting _ for this kid to pop out of me. And I can’t enjoy being anywhere else because I can’t drink or hold a conversation without immediately falling asleep.” She stifles a well-timed yawn to punctuate her point and Rosa hums in sympathy.

“I feel like I can’t even complain about it to Jake anymore because he’s so damn considerate and kind and he’s trying  _ so hard _ and I don’t want to burden him with it and I can’t even enjoy Christmas anymore and everything just kinda…”

“Sucks?” Rosa finishes for her and she nods, hands coming to rest naturally on her bump. They’re both quiet for a moment, watching Charles gush about some obscure Latvian festive dish he’s making for Nikolaj to a helpless Terry, but it’s not long before Rosa speaks again.

“Look, I have the day off tomorrow. I’m coming over and we’re making mocktails and watching The Holiday and you can bitch and complain to me about being pregnant as much as you want, guilt-free. Sound good?”

“Rosa, you don’t have to-“

“I know. It’s not a perfect solution or anything but...I want to help. Any way I can.” Amy gets the feeling that’s the final word on the matter, and she feels gratitude for her best friend rising to a crescendo in her chest. Rosa winces, no doubt recognising the way her face scrunches up when she’s trying not to get emotional, and pats her on the shoulder uneasily. “Please don’t start crying again.”

“I can’t help it!” Amy half-laughs, wiping away a stray tear and pulling her into an awkward yet loving hug. “You’re being nice.”

“It’s not long now, Amy. And…your kid is really lucky to have you guys. You’re both gonna be great.” Rosa smiles a genuine proper rare Rosa smile, before looking down at her empty glass wistfully. “Maybe I’m drunker than I thought I was.”

Amy laughs again, this time bright and shining and full, and the longer she spends here, the more the lightness in her chest she’s spent so long craving simply grows and grows. 

***

The rest of the party passes in a blur; a moony-eyed Charles sits beside her at one point and she braces herself for the worst, but finds herself touched deciphering his rambles about how great her and Jake are going to be (and impressed that she only has to veto one invasive question regarding her uterus). She gets to rant to a highly empathetic Sharon for ten minutes who invites her over for lemonade and assures her that she can ask her or Terry any & every parenthood question she can think of. 

Holt even shakes her hand as they leave the party, personally thanking her for coming, and Amy beams as she spots the novelty Father’s Day card Jake got for the both of them still taking pride of place on their mantelpiece. Her family may be miles away in New Jersey, but her weird work family are right here, celebrating with her and supporting her and lifting her up in every way they can. 

For the first time all month, Amy feels at peace with missing out on a traditional Christmas this year. 

She falls asleep in the car before they’ve even left Holt and Kevin’s street - Jake gently wakes her once they arrive home, clearly cautious of an extremely tired and grumpy pregnant wife to placate and clearly surprised at the positivity with which she handles slowly waddling to their apartment.

“It was just really nice to get out of the house and see everyone, I guess.” She offers breezily as a brief explanation, sighing with content as she can finally take the weight off her feet and indulge in the comfort of their bed. He hums before disappearing to make tea for an inconspicuously long time, eventually returning with a mug in one hand and an envelope in the other. 

“Here.” He says, setting the mug down on her bedside table, handing her the envelope and flopping down on the bed beside her. “I wanted it to be a surprise, but I just realised it should be something you can look forward to.”

Amy narrows her eyes. “Jake, you know what we said about gifts this year…” She frowns disapprovingly, but all he does is laugh.

“Just open it, babe. I promise it’s nothing taser related.”

Her curiosity easily overpowers any objections she might have and it’s not long before she’s carefully ripping the envelope open - inside is a piece of paper, which she unfolds as he watches her expectantly. Her heart all but lights up as she slowly realises what it is.

“Is this…”

“...A print screen of a booking confirmation? Yep. Sorry, I wanted it to be vaguely more of a nice romantic gesture than just forwarding you the email.”

It’s a booking for a room in a fancy hotel upstate, one she’s always coveted but never been able to convince herself that they could practically afford. 

And it’s for a two night stay, starting on Christmas Eve - a simple but heavenly upgrade to their holiday plans. She looks at him with big, shining eyes.

“I’ve always wanted to go there.”

“I know, because every time we drive past it you mention extremely subtly that you’ve always wanted to go there.” Jake grins teasingly, and she can tell he’s proud of himself for this one - he definitely should be. Once again, tears already threaten to spill and blot the paper because  _ he knows her _ and  _ he loves her _ and  _ he’s the right person for her _ and that’s all in the world that matters. She couldn’t ask for anything more.

“I just knew you were missing having a traditional Christmas this year, and I thought we deserved something kinda...nice? And I know it won’t compare to being with your family but we can order as much room service as you want and just spend the whole day lounging about in fluffy robes watching Christmas movies and just doing whatever you want. You’ve earned it, Ames.”

The soft earnest nickname is what breaks her in the end - her face completely crumples as she tries to stammer her gratitude while ugly crying at the thoughtfulness of her husband. Luckily, he’s used to riding an emotional rollercoaster along with her by now and has the common sense to pass her some tissues and rub her back soothingly until she’s all cried out.

And then Amy kisses him, with everything she has left to give, her thankfulness beyond the clumsiness of words. Suddenly the insurmountable obstacle of waiting out these last few weeks doesn’t seem half as daunting. 

Her vows ring powerful and true, now more than ever; as long as she’s with the people that she loves, she can handle anything. Tonight has reminded her that she’s surrounded with so many of the right people that, with their help, even raising a child now seems possible. 

“This is so thoughtful - thank you.” She holds the paper close to her chest, still sniffling. “I love you so much.” 

Her eyes are red and puffy and there’s somehow phlegm everywhere but he still looks at her like she hung the moon anyway and it makes all of it, absolutely all of it, worth it.

“Love you too. Merry Christmas, honey.” He kisses the top of her forehead before gently pressing his hand to her stomach, clearly not over the delightful novelty of instantly feeling a kick there. 

“And Merry Christmas to you too, peanut. I know you must be pretty comfy in there but you better not keep us waiting too much longer, because we’re super psyched to meet you.” Amy hums in agreement, absolutely exhausted but completely overwhelmed with joy, her holiday spirit alive and thriving.

And at the end of the day, if it means a few more precious weeks of keeping her husband all to herself, she supposes that maybe she can handle waiting just a tiny bit longer. 

**Author's Note:**

> HI YES HELLO before i get really sappy some thank yous are in order:  
> \- to the wonderful emma (4drinkamy) for her gorgeous festive prompt! this was a joy to write honestly and the first part was super inspired by one of my favourite fics of hers (definitely totally stole the "I love absolutely all of you" line bc it made me so happy)  
> \- to the friendship love of my life johanna (amyscascadingtabs) for her never-ending support in fic writing and also in life! thank you for using your infinite pregnancy knowledge to help me out with this one, i love you and i treasure you <3  
> \- and finally, thank you to every single one of you who has read, kudosed, bookmarked or commented on one of my fics this year it truly means the world to me! merry christmas/happy holidays to every single one of you, i hope you have a great year in 2020!
> 
> it's not lost on me that my christmas fic last year was about them wanting/thinking about kids, and even though that got completely canonballed (thanks casecation! lol) it's so cool that i get to write pregnant amy thinking about how soon we're going to actually see them be parents in canon! i'm really proud of most of what i've written this year and i'm excited to see what the future holds. see you all in 2020!  
> \- sian <3


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